CK: Another results show starts now. The anticipation is killing us!
CK: What kind of headline did I just post? Crap. I had another long-ass dentist appointment today, and this is my brain on drugs.
DL: Speaking of a brain on drugs, Steven Tyler’s tell-all book was released yesterday, he is signing it on Idol, and it should be in my mailbox tomorrow!
CK: Whoop! That is so exciting. I like Steven Tyler so much since he started judging Idol. I never really followed him before. But will you fix the headline? Seriously, I’m loaded up on painkillers like you wouldn’t believe.
DL: Should I fix that math? lol
CK: What math? Heheheehe.
DL: How does 5-4=3?
CK: I am laughing at myself. Okay. There are Five contestants remaining. Tonight one will go home. You do the calculations.
DL: 5-1=4, lol. OH! James Durbin went blond in front! Big news there!
CK: He looks adorable.
DL: He does. And they said they had 60 million votes, did I hear right? Wow. I wonder if our prediction will come true?
CK: They’re all singing, “Happy Together,” and my daughters are saying, “They are horrible together.”
DL: That would be a good spoof, actually.
CK: Who wants to hear about my dental appointment over the commercial? I went in to get a filling replaced — one of those old, antique silver monstrosities from my high school years. By the time the old filling was gone, there was hardly any tooth left. So the dentist drilled it down and capped it for me.
CK: Here’s the irony, though: Yesterday I got an unexpected check for the foreign sales rights of one of my tarot books. And today’s crown and dental expenses matched the amount of the check, almost to the penny.
DL: OMG, one of those kisses from the Universe! That is wild! I think I’ll keep my old silvers for now. Ha.
CK: At least until you write a book and Ukrainians demand their own copy.
DL: I like these adds the idols make! OH! Lauren is card flinging!!!!
CK: We totally have to figure out a way to do that with tarot. Maybe plasticized and magnetized cards?
DL: Awesome trick. Ok…the pressure is hot on these kids tonight….
CK: I pulled a card for the overall tone of tonight’s show. It’s the Ace of Pentacles. All of these kids are facing huge futures in the music world. They’ll all have success! And seriously, this crop of contestants is the best Idol has ever seen.
DL: Maybe that pentacle is really an omelet? They’re making omelets!
CK: In the Epicurean Tarot, the Four of Swords features a recipe for easy overnight omelets.
DL: Why the 4 of Swords? Because it is the first thing you eat out of bed?
CK: No, because you prepare it before you go to bed at night, and then pop it in the oven when you wake up.
DL: You do??? You have to sleep on it? It reminds me of “Friendship Bread,” that sour stuff you let sit for 2 days before you do anything with it (was that your 2 of Cups?)> Who is Annabelle? What is this song?
CK: The overnight omelet is really more of an egg casserole. And the singers currently on screen are “Lady Antebellum.” http://ladyantebellum.blogspot.com They’re hugely popular. Their biggest hit right now is “Need You Now.”
DL: So he is part of the “Lady”?
CK: I think I’ve heard them interviewed, and they’ve said that if they could have known how popular they would get, they would have chosen a better name for their act.
DL: What is “antebellum”? What does it mean?
CK: http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=define%3Aantebellum …
Definitions of antebellum on the Web: belonging to a period before a war especially the American Civil War wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
CK: In this case, I think it’s designed to convey the impression of a certain southern gentility and charm.
CK: Oh, Donnaleigh, I just accidentally picked up my tarot deck and saw the card that’s hiding on the bottom. It was the Queen of Swords. How do you normally read that “secret” card that never actually shows up during a reading?
DL: In my readings with clients, it becomes the hidden message/agenda, or the life lesson being learned. What about for you?
CK: I think it’s the secret that will ultimately be revealed, but for now is merely to be hinted at.
DL: She is the great critique….that Queen of Swords. They are learning how to accept criticism….we are learning how to criticize. The whole show, after all, is about criticizing those performances for professionalism, and cutting away what doesn’t meet the pie’s standards.
CK: There’s the start of your book, DL!
CK: By the way, did you notice that Scotty has been playing with a deck of cards? He put them all into a hat and pulled one to represent the song he’ll sing: The Nine of Clubs. That’s the equivalent of the Nine of Wands. Now why would he pull the Wounded Warrior for himself?
DL: I wonder if he’ll be in the bottom 2? Do they do 2 now? James is up to bat for his critique. OMG. I’m skeered.
CK: When I’m at the dentist, he plays all the YouTube clips of the show. He likes it, too. Sow I saw the performances again today, and James was truly impressive.
DL: JEEZ! Family was talking…is he in the dugout????? Now Lauren is up.
CK: Ryan Seacrest just asked James to start a group on the side of the stage. He didn’t say what the group would stand for.
DL: GAAK! I’m nervous!
CK: Just keep breathing. You’ll be okay. (That’s what I tell all my tarot clients, too. 
)
CK: My oxycontin is wearing off. It helps to get out of bed and start using my brain.
DL: I think I need one right now. They just left us hanging about WHY they are standing there, both look worried, and now we have to hear J-Lo sing some song before we know WHY they are standing there? Huh? Gimme a pill.
CK: Did you see that “Dear Sophie” commercial? It was adorable!
DL: Cute baby…but I was in the middle of a rant so I missed the point of the ad. lol
CK: It was a speeded-up, very sweet overview of the birth and growth of a child. You can follow the link and watch it later.
CK: Now they’re all back in the kitchen, cooking with my good friend Gordon Ramsay. I was not surprised that Lauren knew how to make a kickass southern omelet.
DL: They’re having a taste test where they are blindfolded, and Jacob did not know what a hotdog was! I get that they didn’t know tofu…but how funny he didn’t recognize HOTDOG!
CK: The opening is there for a tasteless joke, but I will not walk through that door.
DL: Good girl. Here is J-Lo’s song….fancy video…but will she be singing live?
CK: She kind of reminds me of you in terms of hotness, sex appeal, and camera presence. Just so you know. I’m not such a fan of the naked men in plexiglass boxes, though.
DL: Me? I have no photogenic ability…but I do share the bubble butt. Without the fashion designer, of course. And we both like sparkly things.
CK: She seems to have borrowed Vanilla Ice’s big baggy pants from the 80s.
DL: The crotch is too low….I wanna yank ‘em up. I think….I think I need some men in plexiglass boxes behind me. Just sayin.
CK: In tarot terms, we could pretend that they are each trapped in their own Kabbalistic cubes of space.
DL: There ya go! Make those boys spiritual. I want her hair extensions.
CK: It would have been very sweet to lose the semi-nude back-up dancers and just hear her sing a loving duet with her husband, don’t you think? I’m just sentimental, not hip-hop.
DL: Great idea…even better…her and Steven Tyler. Nom nom. Oh, here is a 2nd single from Jennifer while she changes back into her outfit for the judges ring.
CK: That’s too much J-Lo for one show. Get a room, already.
DL: Now they had Jacob stand up…and poor James and Lauren are just left up there hanging….not knowing what will become of them, but both looking verrrrrry nervous.
DL
The Wizards Tarot Four of Cups
CK: I shuffled and pulled another car for tonight’s eliminations. The Four of Cups came up again, just like last night.
CK: Where they stand on stage really has no bearing on who stays or go. The producers used to play a lot of mind games like that, but now it’s all smoke and mirrors.
DL: I’m sitting here that you pulled the 4 of Cups for the 3rd time. Heh? I can hardly believe it. Oh…now Haley has to join them on the stage. Only Scottie is left…
CK: So James, Haley, and Scotty are safe! Hooray! You can breathe again.
DL: OMG, that was awful! Did Scottie walk over to his choice, or did Ryan bring him there when he said “All 3 of you are safe!” Oh, and poor Lauren is in tears, so worried. I hate to see them worried!
CK: Scotty refused to choose, so Ryan walked him over to the “safe” group.
DL: OMG, this is tense. I pulled a card for Lauren and one for Jacob. She gets the 3 of Wands….and he gets ….The Wheel of Fortune…REVERSED. :-X I think Lauren is going to watch Jacob go down the river.
CK: I’d be okay with that.
DL: Dimming the lights for the final verdict…
CK: Lauren could always get a job as a singing short-order cook.
DL: Corrine, your cards worked their magic yet AGAIN! They predicted Jacob would go, and he…unfortunately….is going.
CK: We’re pretty good. But, oh, for God’s sake, Jacob is talking about how America has fallen in love with him. Please. A little modesty?
DL: He keeps doing that. lol
CK: He well do fine, if he can find his niche. I think Broadway is probably calling him — if he can tone down some of his own personality, and allow a character to take shape inside him, too.
DL: I think people want Jacob big…as big as his voice. Oh, here he goes with a Luther Vandross song…sad. It is torturous that they have to sing after getting canned.
CK: Last week, when Casey left, he sang as if he was having the time of his life. We couldn’t hear it in the bar at RS, but he was not sad. He handled it with the most grace I’ve ever seen displayed by a departing contestant.
DL: Classy. You know….Jacob should have sung this song last night!!!
CK: He just about knocked tiny little Haley off her heels when he bumped into her. Did you see that?
DL: Funny! Well, the 4 of Cups has spoken, a very literal deck you have there. And the 9 of Swords. Both came as twin sets, and you got that 4 of Cups yet again tonight. Jacob will be off to some big gospel songs. He’ll do fine.
CK: Great show, and great job again tonight, DL! I’ll see you next week!
DL: See you then with your dazzling smile! And we’ll be down to the final 3 then….omg…it’s getting close.
CK: I know! I love this part!
DL: My nerves will be shot. Don’t forget to mail me a pill. See you then!
CK: See you then!
Filed under: American Idol
